What do you do when you have a boss that is almost unbearable?Do you feel trapped in your current job because you hate your boss but you must support yourself and your family?
How do you deal with them in a way that improves your job satisfaction and  power to perform?

Well, the first thing I can say is that it is not easy.  That's the biggest challenge in the workforce today.  Over 80% of workers quit their manager and not their job.  True that they may wait to get fired, but they quit and it shows in all sorts of ways even beyond job performance.

So maybe you are in a situation where you are ready to quit your job but the bleak economic times keep you trapped with an unbearable boss.  Or maybe you have already quit but haven't left your job yet.  You show up, but your best is no where to be found.  Or maybe, you don't like your boss but you just put up with him or her because you like what you do and the people around you enough to put up with the mild annoyance.

Whatever situation you are in (even if you love your boss, job and co-workers), maybe there are some people that you must interact with that are less than easy for you to deal with.  This article will share 4 tips with you to help you feel better about the person or situation.

It's important that you embrace the truth about the situation.  The truth is that it's your situation or difficulty, not their fault.  You might want to read that a few times before moving on.

I'll call it YOUR reality that you are living in that is making YOUR experience difficult.  I'm not saying that your boss isn't doing what they are doing.  I'm not saying that others don't agree with your reality.  I'm not saying that you don't experience all the pain, frustration and anxiety that you feel.  I'm just asserting that it is ALL YOURS. 

Whether you believe me or not, the difficulty and impact of your reality is still the same; work sucks and you are drained, tired and frustrated. 

The good news is that because it's your reality, you can do something about it.
The great news is that if you do something about it, your experience of your boss can shift from difficult to dynamic; from passive aggressive to powerful; from draining to... alright, you get it. 

I'm going to give you some simple and powerful tools to get your power back and restore your experience of your work (or any area of your life) to one that empowers you and that enriches your experience of life.

First, take responsibility for your experience of your difficult boss.  I'm just saying that how you react to their behavior is your reaction and your experience.

Second, stop blaming them for how you feel or experience them.  See step one.

Third, stop calling your boss by any other name.  You know the little nickname that you and the others you commiserate with use when you're at the water cooler or at lunch.  Those names only serve to reinforce the reality that you created, and makes the situation worse.

Finally, Ask a better question.  My guess is that if you're frustrated by your boss' behavior, you're asking yourself the wrong questions about the situation. 

You're probably asking questions like "Why are they so mean?", "How come they don't care about me?", "Why can't they do things differently?"  All of these questions lead you to a path of frustration and pain.  They have you focus on what you can not control and therefore you feel worse and your experience deteriorates.

Instead ask a better question that helps you focus on your reaction or one that expands your view of the situation that allows you to alter your point of view. 
Here's 4 examples of "better" questions to ask yourself:

1. "What's good about my boss that I haven't noticed yet?"
2. "What are they struggling with that I haven't addressed?"
3. "What else could I make that mean so that I am empowered by that?"
4. "How could I make my boss win today?"

No boss is perfect and for that matter neither are you.  That's good news.  You can lower your expectations of them and yourself to be perfect.  If you can do that, then you can be supportive of each other.

• Being supportive would mean accepting the flaws of each other and working around the limitations you each bring to the job. 
• Being supportive would mean learning what each other does that works and working with that.
• Being supportive helps you experience your part of the relationship in a way that you feel good about yourself, your job and your performance.

Put yourself in control of your reality, not your boss.  When you start to take responsibility for your reality, your reactions are different, your experience is different and your life is different. 

You now have 4 keys to a better job and 4 questions to create a better life.

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Dominic Carubba, CPT
Director
Performance Solutions Center, LLC

_ Generation Y, born mid-1980’s – late 1990’s, the “Millennials,” are the youngest part of our workforce, but are not a monolithic group, any more than all women, or all Chinese, or all Jews, are. Yet, you will find countless websites, blogs and books, pundits on the radio and TV opining about how to coach Generation Y workforce members. If you follow their advice, you will not only be guilty of falsely generalizing along with these advisors, but you will fail in your coaching.

What are the 7 biggest mistakes you can make as a manager coaching Generation Y?

#1: Take the Bait.  Believe in the monolithic, “they’re all alike” philosophy. Use biting humor and sarcasm to remind them that they have not “paid their dues,” and that “there is no such thing as a free lunch.” Explain these clichés to them, since you’re sure they know nothing about the “real world” and you are their guide.

#2: Disregard common ground.  Behave as if you’re much older, wiser, and more experienced than they are. Be patronizing and excessively patient. Drone on about how things were different in “your day,” and how much easier (or harder) these twenty-somethings have it at work. Ignore and disparage their music, fashion, hairstyles and general taste as “young” and “immature,” if not by labeling, than by your actions and tone.

#3: Think about what they can’t do. Expect nothing creative, positive, or intelligent from them, unless they’re in the tech fields; then, expect miracles. Continue with your assumptions that these employees can’t possibly know more than you unless their knowledge is based on their extensive experience playing video games since they were toddlers. For tech projects, give them impossible-to-meet deadlines and then deride them when these deadlines are missed. For all other projects and tasks, micro-manage and undermine them in the guise of mentoring them.

#4: Believe your way is the only way.  Continue to impose your workplace culture on them as a group and as individuals, regardless of anyone’s preferences, needs, and earned privileges. Do not allow them to bring culture-changing ideas to you and block their innovative ideas in every way. Expect and be repulsed by tattoos, comment snidely on or forbid them to display facial piercings, expect these employees to be disrespectful, unpunctual, lazy, and unprepared. In short, create the very reality you’re actually trying to avoid.

#5: Use seniority instead of respect.  Remind them constantly of the “chain of command,” and impose strict sanctions when they step outside of this system. Never reward initiative-taking, ambition, or healthy competition. Penalize them constantly when they raise new ideas or concerns, labeling them the “squeaky wheel” and “the highest nail,” so you can justify pounding them down.

#6: Don’t change your mind.  Do not get to know any of them as individuals. Continue to make assumptions, and generalizations. Confuse them with one another other, mixing up their names and backgrounds, calling them by someone else's name, attributing to them characteristics and work tasks that are not theirs, and frequently showing them you view them as interchangeable and expendable. These are the cheapest part of your workforce; keep reminding them of how many people want their jobs; they can be replaced in an instant.

#7: Avoid transparency.  Keep blending praise with blame, credit with criticism, and gratitude with “yeah, but,” so they do not ever know exactly where they stand or what is expected. Do not be consistent with rewards or sanctions. Berate them when they can’t seem to “follow the rules” and don’t know how to “play the game.” This “keeps them on their toes.”

If you are savvy enough to do the exact opposite of these mistakes, your workplace will thrive, with its multi-generational workforce of unique individuals.  

Oh, and by the way, take a trip down memory lane and remember what it was like to be young.  Remember what your parents or grandparents would say about how you approached life and how you did things.  You may have loved or hated their opinion but it was still an opinion from a different point of view.  The mistakes above are mistakes because they take for granted the point of view of the younger generation.

_ “Seven Bad Habits of Highly Ineffective Leaders, That Suck.”

After training thousands of managers and executives on how to coach and communicate more effectively, one theme persists – frustration. There are a lot of managers who believe their lives would be much easier if their people “sucked less.” My job is to challenge the leader to see how their own performance impacts that of their employees.

Performance problems require leadership solutions

Chances are that your employees do not lack the knowledge, skills or attitude to be successful performers; they need more leadership and mentoring.

One of my mentors shared many lessons on effective leadership.  Like most people, I associated “lessons” with the difficult task of learning something new.  But the easiest and most effective lesson was learning to stop unproductive behaviors.

Even if you don’t exhibit all of these behaviors, it may be useful to see if they exist in the smallest way.  So, here are seven things to stop doing.  I call them the “Seven Bad Habits of Highly Ineffective Leaders.”

The Behaviors

1.       Stop Complaining.  It’s easy to complain, especially if it takes attention away from your own performance. Never forget that you are part of the team – when you disparage any of your people you are also commenting on your inability to manage them well.

2.       Stop Giving Your Opinion. When someone brings an idea to you, don’t judge it immediately. Get in the habit of saying “Great job, I’ll spend some time on this and get back to you in a day or two.”  At least if you have some criticism of their work, you can take some time to find what was good about it to talk about at a later time.

3.       Stop Exaggerating.  I know this one may be tough, because you don’t think that you do it at all. Consider that when you really take a look at all those problems you are having with your people, you might be making mountains out of mole hills.   Make a list of all the activities that you expect your people to do on a daily or weekly basis.  Put a check mark by all the ones that are not getting done to your satisfaction.  How bad is the output to the overall goals of your team?  Do those activities control a significant portion of your team’s output?  If not, stop putting so much importance on things that don’t really matter.

4.       Stop Jumping to Conclusions.  Especially when it comes to assessing what your people are and are not capable of - knowing their strengths and weaknesses is only part of the equation. Do you understand what motivates them and how they define success? It sucks when your boss doesn’t know how to help you meet your goals.  So suck less by seeking first to understand where your people will excel naturally and where they need your help to improve their performance.

5.       Stop resisting feedback.   I have a group of friends that cling to one great statement.  They say “if three of us tell you that you are dead, lay down.” Stop ignoring all the great feedback that you are getting from your direct reports. They are giving it without saying a word, but you have to pay attention.  Watch how they react when you speak.  Notice what happens when you walk into a room.  Wake up and stop ignoring all the signs your team is giving you.

6.       Stop pretending you know everything. If the people around you want your input, I promise you, they will ask.  Your team solves problems and takes care of customers – they’re not there to take dictation when you drop your brilliance on them. Be the one that asks questions and discovers knowledge amongst your employees. Acknowledge them for what they know and they will know how much you care.

7.       Stop doing it alone. Donald Keough, former CEO of the Coca-Cola Company once said, “what separates those who achieve from those that do not is in direct proportion to their ability to ask for help.”  If you could identify with any of the above behaviors that you could STOP to suck less, this bad behavior of “doing it alone” will cause you to suck more in so many ways.  

When you ask for help, you give up most of the seven bad behaviors.  You get immediate feedback on the real “size” of the problem; you give up your own opinion about the limitations of others; you stop complaining and get into action; you solicit the opinion of others; you give up the right to ignore feedback; and you give up pretending you know everything; And best of all, you give up the stress of “doing it alone” and you already know how much that sucks. 

Take on one habit that doesn’t suck and you remove seven bad habits that do.

Dominic Carubba is a Certified Performance Consultant and a champion of the power of the human spirit.  He works with owners, managers and executives to make them more human by teaching them to coach and communicate more effectively so that they are less stressed and their people are more productive.  He operates the Center for Performance Solutions where he has coined the phrase “Performance Problems Require Leadership Solutions!” 

You can reach Dominic by email: Dominic@PerformanceSolutionsCenter.com.