5 Seconds to Act 03/26/2012
I listened to Mel Robbins, author of “Stop Saying You’re Fine” and I am blown away at her style and her message.
When you have a thought, what do you do with it? Ok, that one. What happened? Did you think about it? What did you do? Take a minute and let’s go through that exercise again. This time, go through the steps of your thought process to get to the conclusion that you just came up when I asked the question. You might have to really look for the conclusion and trace back your steps very carefully, because what happened happens so fast, that it’s easy to miss. So here we go, one more time. When you have a thought, what do you do with it? Take a minute and write down your conclusion to that question. Did you respond with “I don’t know” or “What are you talking about” or “I guess I think about it.” Whatever the conclusion, did you think about it or did the conclusion just come to you. What you just experienced, whether you were aware of it or not, was your brain on auto-pilot. Your brain processed the question, considered the outcomes and came to a conclusion so fast you might have only noticed the conclusion, if you noticed it at all. You could have had a different reaction. Your brain could have rejected the question. If that happened, then consider that your auto-pilot response was to stop. Maybe the stop was in the form of an internal dialogue. Maybe you didn’t come to a conclusion, but were in a debate on the meaning of the question. That’s a stop. Either way, did you notice your conscious involvement? I don’t think so, at least not at first. You have a mental reaction to every stimulus in your life. You may or may not pay attention to it on a regular basis, but it is there. Advertisers know this all too well. Notice the messages that they send on every conceivable airway. They create words, sounds and images to have your brain come to a conclusion on auto-pilot. And what’s that conclusion? Buy this, that or the other. We are constantly bombarded with messages from various sources and as a result we are constantly making decisions on a daily basis that we may or may not be aware of why we are making that decision. The point is, that if you don’t pay attention to the thought process you engage in before you make a conclusion, you cannot be sure what caused you to come to that conclusion. Most of us don’t take the time to examine our conclusions. Why not? Because the “case is closed” as my dad would say to end a discussion (usually about a conclusion he made that I didn’t want). The case is closed in your mind and therefore it is closed for your body and spirit too (they are along for the ride). What happens when the case is closed? What’s the big deal? Quite frankly, it’s not. This is the biggest “no big deal” phenomenon that there is in when it comes to being alive. Our brain responds to stimulus all the time and that’s not a problem. So, if it’s not a problem, why am I writing about this whole process? Because, it is a problem and your life is suffering because of it. Now, in your life, you are not suffering from truly life threatening stimulus. There are no tigers roaming around, disease isn’t running rampant, food is in decent supply (let’s not discuss quality) and you probably aren’t thirsty right now. You’re not suffering from your basic needs: food, clothes and shelter. But I’m going to assert that there is an area of your life that your needs are suffering. It’s the needs we have beyond survival, but no less our needs. You see, when you’re hungry, thirsty, tired or scared, your body responds with warning signals. These signals are usually strong enough to catch our attention so that they are not ignored, and usually we don’t ignore them. So let’s look at some feelings that many of my thousands of students have complained about in my management classes. They feel stress, the bad kind. Stress, Anxiety and Pressure cause pain in most people’s lives. They struggle with these feelings because they want them to go away. The same way that hunger goes away after a great meal. 4 Comments _ “Seven Bad Habits of Highly Ineffective Leaders, That Suck.” After training thousands of managers and executives on how to coach and communicate more effectively, one theme persists – frustration. There are a lot of managers who believe their lives would be much easier if their people “sucked less.” My job is to challenge the leader to see how their own performance impacts that of their employees. Performance problems require leadership solutions Chances are that your employees do not lack the knowledge, skills or attitude to be successful performers; they need more leadership and mentoring. One of my mentors shared many lessons on effective leadership. Like most people, I associated “lessons” with the difficult task of learning something new. But the easiest and most effective lesson was learning to stop unproductive behaviors. Even if you don’t exhibit all of these behaviors, it may be useful to see if they exist in the smallest way. So, here are seven things to stop doing. I call them the “Seven Bad Habits of Highly Ineffective Leaders.” The Behaviors 1. Stop Complaining. It’s easy to complain, especially if it takes attention away from your own performance. Never forget that you are part of the team – when you disparage any of your people you are also commenting on your inability to manage them well. 2. Stop Giving Your Opinion. When someone brings an idea to you, don’t judge it immediately. Get in the habit of saying “Great job, I’ll spend some time on this and get back to you in a day or two.” At least if you have some criticism of their work, you can take some time to find what was good about it to talk about at a later time. 3. Stop Exaggerating. I know this one may be tough, because you don’t think that you do it at all. Consider that when you really take a look at all those problems you are having with your people, you might be making mountains out of mole hills. Make a list of all the activities that you expect your people to do on a daily or weekly basis. Put a check mark by all the ones that are not getting done to your satisfaction. How bad is the output to the overall goals of your team? Do those activities control a significant portion of your team’s output? If not, stop putting so much importance on things that don’t really matter. 4. Stop Jumping to Conclusions. Especially when it comes to assessing what your people are and are not capable of - knowing their strengths and weaknesses is only part of the equation. Do you understand what motivates them and how they define success? It sucks when your boss doesn’t know how to help you meet your goals. So suck less by seeking first to understand where your people will excel naturally and where they need your help to improve their performance. 5. Stop resisting feedback. I have a group of friends that cling to one great statement. They say “if three of us tell you that you are dead, lay down.” Stop ignoring all the great feedback that you are getting from your direct reports. They are giving it without saying a word, but you have to pay attention. Watch how they react when you speak. Notice what happens when you walk into a room. Wake up and stop ignoring all the signs your team is giving you. 6. Stop pretending you know everything. If the people around you want your input, I promise you, they will ask. Your team solves problems and takes care of customers – they’re not there to take dictation when you drop your brilliance on them. Be the one that asks questions and discovers knowledge amongst your employees. Acknowledge them for what they know and they will know how much you care. 7. Stop doing it alone. Donald Keough, former CEO of the Coca-Cola Company once said, “what separates those who achieve from those that do not is in direct proportion to their ability to ask for help.” If you could identify with any of the above behaviors that you could STOP to suck less, this bad behavior of “doing it alone” will cause you to suck more in so many ways. When you ask for help, you give up most of the seven bad behaviors. You get immediate feedback on the real “size” of the problem; you give up your own opinion about the limitations of others; you stop complaining and get into action; you solicit the opinion of others; you give up the right to ignore feedback; and you give up pretending you know everything; And best of all, you give up the stress of “doing it alone” and you already know how much that sucks. Take on one habit that doesn’t suck and you remove seven bad habits that do. Dominic Carubba is a Certified Performance Consultant and a champion of the power of the human spirit. He works with owners, managers and executives to make them more human by teaching them to coach and communicate more effectively so that they are less stressed and their people are more productive. He operates the Center for Performance Solutions where he has coined the phrase “Performance Problems Require Leadership Solutions!” You can reach Dominic by email: Dominic@PerformanceSolutionsCenter.com. | Company
Leadership is the source of results! Dominic Carubba
I am passionate about leadership at all levels of organizations. Check out my bio on LinkedIN. Click to set custom HTML
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