<![CDATA[Performance Solutions Center, LLC - Blog]]>Wed, 28 Mar 2012 13:24:15 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[5 Seconds to Act]]>Mon, 26 Mar 2012 13:04:33 -0800http://www.performancesolutionscenter.com/1/post/2012/03/5-seconds-to-act.htmlI listened to Mel Robbins, author of “Stop Saying You’re Fine” and I am blown away at her style and her message. 

When you have a thought, what do you do with it?
Ok, that one.  What happened?  Did you think about it?  What did you do? 

Take a minute and let’s go through that exercise again.  This time, go through the steps of your thought process to get to the conclusion that you just came up when I asked the question.

You might have to really look for the conclusion and trace back your steps very carefully, because what happened happens so fast, that it’s easy to miss.  So here we go, one more time.

When you have a thought, what do you do with it? 

Take a minute and write down your conclusion to that question.  Did you respond with “I don’t know” or “What are you talking about” or “I guess I think about it.”

Whatever the conclusion, did you think about it or did the conclusion just come to you.  What you just experienced, whether you were aware of it or not, was your brain on auto-pilot.  Your brain processed the question, considered the outcomes and came to a conclusion so fast you might have only noticed the conclusion, if you noticed it at all.

You could have had a different reaction.  Your brain could have rejected the question.  If that happened, then consider that your auto-pilot response was to stop.  Maybe the stop was in the form of an internal dialogue.  Maybe you didn’t come to a conclusion, but were in a debate on the meaning of the question. That’s a stop.

Either way, did you notice your conscious involvement?  I don’t think so, at least not at first.  You have a mental reaction to every stimulus in your life.  You may or may not pay attention to it on a regular basis, but it is there. 

Advertisers know this all too well.  Notice the messages that they send on every conceivable airway.  They create words, sounds and images to have your brain come to a conclusion on auto-pilot.  And what’s that conclusion?  Buy this, that or the other. 

We are constantly bombarded with messages from various sources and as a result we are constantly making decisions on a daily basis that we may or may not be aware of why we are making that decision.

The point is, that if you don’t pay attention to the thought process you engage in before you make a conclusion, you cannot be sure what caused you to come to that conclusion. 

Most of us don’t take the time to examine our conclusions.  Why not?  Because the “case is closed” as my dad would say to end a discussion (usually about a conclusion he made that I didn’t want).

The case is closed in your mind and therefore it is closed for your body and spirit too (they are along for the ride).  What happens when the case is closed? What’s the big deal?  Quite frankly, it’s not.

This is the biggest “no big deal” phenomenon that there is in when it comes to being alive.  Our brain responds to stimulus all the time and that’s not a problem.  So, if it’s not a problem, why am I writing about this whole process?

Because, it is a problem and your life is suffering because of it.  Now, in your life, you are not suffering from truly life threatening stimulus.  There are no tigers roaming around, disease isn’t running rampant, food is in decent supply (let’s not discuss quality) and you probably aren’t thirsty right now.  You’re not suffering from your basic needs:  food, clothes and shelter. 

But I’m going to assert that there is an area of your life that your needs are suffering.  It’s the needs we have beyond survival, but no less our needs.  You see, when you’re hungry, thirsty, tired or scared, your body responds with warning signals.  These signals are usually strong enough to catch our attention so that they are not ignored, and usually we don’t ignore them.  

So let’s look at some feelings that many of my thousands of students have complained about in my management classes.  They feel stress, the bad kind.  Stress, Anxiety and Pressure cause pain in most people’s lives.  They struggle with these feelings because they want them to go away.  The same way that hunger goes away after a great meal.
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The problem with these kinds of struggles, is that we think that because we associate them to something emotional and ignore their physical origins. 

What? You ask, my emotions have a physical origin?  


Of course they do.  We’re emotional creatures and we need to embrace the relationship between our feelings and what occurs when we struggle.

I remember a quote from a sales meeting early in my career:
“God don’t play dirty tricks.” 

That meant a lot to me at the time and I have also struggled with it my entire career.  You see, what the speaker was trying to do was encourage the audience to believe in themselves and their decision to be with that company.  He was trying to get the audience to refocus their faith on their inner vision of outward success.  He was trying to make the audience aware that if you have an idea, along with that idea is all the tools and resources to fulfill that idea.  What could be frustrating about that?

Well, I was full of ideas, but I wasn’t fulfilling them.  I got frustrated because I thought God was playing a dirty trick on me sometimes.  What I missed in that talk so many years ago, Mel Robbins (link to her TED Talk) enlightened me today.  You see, when you have an idea or a thought, in order to fulfill on that thought or idea you have to do something about that idea to make it a reality. 

Her advice is to take action in 5 seconds or less.  Otherwise the intertia of inaction will become greater than the force required to take action.  I don’t know if the science behind that statement is true, but I do know that action is unlikely the longer from the idea or thought I pass.

So, what’s the one thing that you want this year?  Just this year, not for your lifetime, I want you to pick that thing you want more than any other thing in the world.  One thing.  Just one.  If you’re struggling with picking one thing, I understand.  But I also don’t care.  Pick one now (tick, tock, tick, tock, tick… time’s up).  That was five seconds… did you pick one thing?

If you didn’t pick, that’s something for you to more closely examine.  I assert that you struggle with clarity and focus in your life and that your results would be dramatically improved if you could decide that one thing.

Most people don’t get what they want because they don’t know what they want, and they don’t know what they want because they won’t decide on what they want and defer to the enormous “everything.” 

If you didn’t pick one thing that you wanted this year, here’s the other thing to note.  Your ability to choose that one thing won’t get any easier.  There is no amount of time that you will likely spend on this problem since you haven’t picked your one thing now.   The law of diminishing interest will take over and the distractions of life will start to overwhelm you and even if you don’t forget you will get trapped by something else, even more powerful than not remembering: settling.

Let’s say that you come back to the question of what you want and you start to struggle to make a decision, after all, nothing has really changed from now until then.  If you struggle now, you will struggle then and that’s just a law of life.  So here you are, back in the struggle to decide on one thing that you want.  In lieu of making a decision, you are even more likely to decide that you already have everything that you want and that you don’t need anything else in your life.   Another conclusion and another dream dead.

Don’t kid yourself any longer.  You have a desire for a reason.  It’s like your body telling you you are hungry.  That pain you feel is an inner drive to take action.  Not for food, but rather for action.  We are physical beings as much as intellect and spirituality.  We are designed to move through this world. 

  • When you have a thought and you don’t move, you feel stuck. 
  • You have a desire and you don’t move toward it you will feel frustrated. 
  • If you have dreams you are not actively pursuing you will feel the stress of your dream fading away. 
Stop telling yourself that everything in your “life is good.”  It’s a lie.  You are stressing out your body and mind and starving your soul of it’s dream.  You were put here for a reason and a purpose.  If you are not fulfilling that purpose you will feel pain. 

Start telling the truth about your life the same way you would tell people that you are hungry, tired or thirsty. 

When people ask how you’re doing, tell them:
  • “I could be working on my dream” or
  • “I’m frustrated that I haven’t taken any action on my business venture” or
  • “I’m lonely without a mate.”
What’s the worst that could happen?  Exactly.
]]><![CDATA[A Difficult Boss By Any Other Name... Is More Difficult. 4 Tips to help you with your boss.]]>Fri, 02 Mar 2012 12:06:41 -0800http://www.performancesolutionscenter.com/1/post/2012/03/a-difficult-boss-by-any-other-name-is-more-difficult.htmlWhat do you do when you have a boss that is almost unbearable?Do you feel trapped in your current job because you hate your boss but you must support yourself and your family?
How do you deal with them in a way that improves your job satisfaction and  power to perform?

Well, the first thing I can say is that it is not easy.  That's the biggest challenge in the workforce today.  Over 80% of workers quit their manager and not their job.  True that they may wait to get fired, but they quit and it shows in all sorts of ways even beyond job performance.

So maybe you are in a situation where you are ready to quit your job but the bleak economic times keep you trapped with an unbearable boss.  Or maybe you have already quit but haven't left your job yet.  You show up, but your best is no where to be found.  Or maybe, you don't like your boss but you just put up with him or her because you like what you do and the people around you enough to put up with the mild annoyance.

Whatever situation you are in (even if you love your boss, job and co-workers), maybe there are some people that you must interact with that are less than easy for you to deal with.  This article will share 4 tips with you to help you feel better about the person or situation.

It's important that you embrace the truth about the situation.  The truth is that it's your situation or difficulty, not their fault.  You might want to read that a few times before moving on.

I'll call it YOUR reality that you are living in that is making YOUR experience difficult.  I'm not saying that your boss isn't doing what they are doing.  I'm not saying that others don't agree with your reality.  I'm not saying that you don't experience all the pain, frustration and anxiety that you feel.  I'm just asserting that it is ALL YOURS. 

Whether you believe me or not, the difficulty and impact of your reality is still the same; work sucks and you are drained, tired and frustrated. 

The good news is that because it's your reality, you can do something about it.
The great news is that if you do something about it, your experience of your boss can shift from difficult to dynamic; from passive aggressive to powerful; from draining to... alright, you get it. 

I'm going to give you some simple and powerful tools to get your power back and restore your experience of your work (or any area of your life) to one that empowers you and that enriches your experience of life.

First, take responsibility for your experience of your difficult boss.  I'm just saying that how you react to their behavior is your reaction and your experience.

Second, stop blaming them for how you feel or experience them.  See step one.

Third, stop calling your boss by any other name.  You know the little nickname that you and the others you commiserate with use when you're at the water cooler or at lunch.  Those names only serve to reinforce the reality that you created, and makes the situation worse.

Finally, Ask a better question.  My guess is that if you're frustrated by your boss' behavior, you're asking yourself the wrong questions about the situation. 

You're probably asking questions like "Why are they so mean?", "How come they don't care about me?", "Why can't they do things differently?"  All of these questions lead you to a path of frustration and pain.  They have you focus on what you can not control and therefore you feel worse and your experience deteriorates.

Instead ask a better question that helps you focus on your reaction or one that expands your view of the situation that allows you to alter your point of view. 
Here's 4 examples of "better" questions to ask yourself:
  1. "What's good about my boss that I haven't noticed yet?"
  2. "What are they struggling with that I haven't addressed?"
  3. "What else could I make that mean so that I am empowered by that?"
  4. "How could I make my boss win today?"

No boss is perfect and for that matter neither are you.  That's good news.  You can lower your expectations of them and yourself to be perfect.  If you can do that, then you can be supportive of each other.
  • Being supportive would mean accepting the flaws of each other and working around the limitations you each bring to the job. 
  • Being supportive would mean learning what each other does that works and working with that.
  • Being supportive helps you experience your part of the relationship in a way that you feel good about yourself, your job and your performance.

Put yourself in control of your reality, not your boss.  When you start to take responsibility for your reality, your reactions are different, your experience is different and your life is different. 

You now have 4 keys to a better job and 4 questions to create a better life.

For more info, subscribe to my blog (RSS feed) or leave a comment below.

Dominic Carubba, CPT
Director
Performance Solutions Center, LLC
]]><![CDATA[Generational Coaching Mistakes]]>Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:53:15 -0800http://www.performancesolutionscenter.com/1/post/2012/01/genenational-coaching-mistakes.html_ Generation Y, born mid-1980’s – late 1990’s, the “Millennials,” are the youngest part of our workforce, but are not a monolithic group, any more than all women, or all Chinese, or all Jews, are. Yet, you will find countless websites, blogs and books, pundits on the radio and TV opining about how to coach Generation Y workforce members. If you follow their advice, you will not only be guilty of falsely generalizing along with these advisors, but you will fail in your coaching.

What are the 7 biggest mistakes you can make as a manager coaching Generation Y?

#1: Take the Bait.  Believe in the monolithic, “they’re all alike” philosophy. Use biting humor and sarcasm to remind them that they have not “paid their dues,” and that “there is no such thing as a free lunch.” Explain these clichés to them, since you’re sure they know nothing about the “real world” and you are their guide.

#2: Disregard common ground.  Behave as if you’re much older, wiser, and more experienced than they are. Be patronizing and excessively patient. Drone on about how things were different in “your day,” and how much easier (or harder) these twenty-somethings have it at work. Ignore and disparage their music, fashion, hairstyles and general taste as “young” and “immature,” if not by labeling, than by your actions and tone.

#3: Think about what they can’t do. Expect nothing creative, positive, or intelligent from them, unless they’re in the tech fields; then, expect miracles. Continue with your assumptions that these employees can’t possibly know more than you unless their knowledge is based on their extensive experience playing video games since they were toddlers. For tech projects, give them impossible-to-meet deadlines and then deride them when these deadlines are missed. For all other projects and tasks, micro-manage and undermine them in the guise of mentoring them.

#4: Believe your way is the only way.  Continue to impose your workplace culture on them as a group and as individuals, regardless of anyone’s preferences, needs, and earned privileges. Do not allow them to bring culture-changing ideas to you and block their innovative ideas in every way. Expect and be repulsed by tattoos, comment snidely on or forbid them to display facial piercings, expect these employees to be disrespectful, unpunctual, lazy, and unprepared. In short, create the very reality you’re actually trying to avoid.

#5: Use seniority instead of respect.  Remind them constantly of the “chain of command,” and impose strict sanctions when they step outside of this system. Never reward initiative-taking, ambition, or healthy competition. Penalize them constantly when they raise new ideas or concerns, labeling them the “squeaky wheel” and “the highest nail,” so you can justify pounding them down.

#6: Don’t change your mind.  Do not get to know any of them as individuals. Continue to make assumptions, and generalizations. Confuse them with one another other, mixing up their names and backgrounds, calling them by someone else's name, attributing to them characteristics and work tasks that are not theirs, and frequently showing them you view them as interchangeable and expendable. These are the cheapest part of your workforce; keep reminding them of how many people want their jobs; they can be replaced in an instant.

#7: Avoid transparency.  Keep blending praise with blame, credit with criticism, and gratitude with “yeah, but,” so they do not ever know exactly where they stand or what is expected. Do not be consistent with rewards or sanctions. Berate them when they can’t seem to “follow the rules” and don’t know how to “play the game.” This “keeps them on their toes.”

If you are savvy enough to do the exact opposite of these mistakes, your workplace will thrive, with its multi-generational workforce of unique individuals.  

Oh, and by the way, take a trip down memory lane and remember what it was like to be young.  Remember what your parents or grandparents would say about how you approached life and how you did things.  You may have loved or hated their opinion but it was still an opinion from a different point of view.  The mistakes above are mistakes because they take for granted the point of view of the younger generation. ]]><![CDATA["Suck Less For Success" - 7 tips for managers.]]>Mon, 19 Dec 2011 08:50:59 -0800http://www.performancesolutionscenter.com/1/post/2011/12/suck-less-for-success-7-tips-for-managers.html_ “Seven Bad Habits of Highly Ineffective Leaders, That Suck.”

After training thousands of managers and executives on how to coach and communicate more effectively, one theme persists – frustration. There are a lot of managers who believe their lives would be much easier if their people “sucked less.” My job is to challenge the leader to see how their own performance impacts that of their employees.

Performance problems require leadership solutions

Chances are that your employees do not lack the knowledge, skills or attitude to be successful performers; they need more leadership and mentoring.

One of my mentors shared many lessons on effective leadership.  Like most people, I associated “lessons” with the difficult task of learning something new.  But the easiest and most effective lesson was learning to stop unproductive behaviors.

Even if you don’t exhibit all of these behaviors, it may be useful to see if they exist in the smallest way.  So, here are seven things to stop doing.  I call them the “Seven Bad Habits of Highly Ineffective Leaders.”

The Behaviors

1.       Stop Complaining.  It’s easy to complain, especially if it takes attention away from your own performance. Never forget that you are part of the team – when you disparage any of your people you are also commenting on your inability to manage them well.

2.       Stop Giving Your Opinion. When someone brings an idea to you, don’t judge it immediately. Get in the habit of saying “Great job, I’ll spend some time on this and get back to you in a day or two.”  At least if you have some criticism of their work, you can take some time to find what was good about it to talk about at a later time.

3.       Stop Exaggerating.  I know this one may be tough, because you don’t think that you do it at all. Consider that when you really take a look at all those problems you are having with your people, you might be making mountains out of mole hills.   Make a list of all the activities that you expect your people to do on a daily or weekly basis.  Put a check mark by all the ones that are not getting done to your satisfaction.  How bad is the output to the overall goals of your team?  Do those activities control a significant portion of your team’s output?  If not, stop putting so much importance on things that don’t really matter.

4.       Stop Jumping to Conclusions.  Especially when it comes to assessing what your people are and are not capable of - knowing their strengths and weaknesses is only part of the equation. Do you understand what motivates them and how they define success? It sucks when your boss doesn’t know how to help you meet your goals.  So suck less by seeking first to understand where your people will excel naturally and where they need your help to improve their performance.

5.       Stop resisting feedback.   I have a group of friends that cling to one great statement.  They say “if three of us tell you that you are dead, lay down.” Stop ignoring all the great feedback that you are getting from your direct reports. They are giving it without saying a word, but you have to pay attention.  Watch how they react when you speak.  Notice what happens when you walk into a room.  Wake up and stop ignoring all the signs your team is giving you.

6.       Stop pretending you know everything. If the people around you want your input, I promise you, they will ask.  Your team solves problems and takes care of customers – they’re not there to take dictation when you drop your brilliance on them. Be the one that asks questions and discovers knowledge amongst your employees. Acknowledge them for what they know and they will know how much you care.

7.       Stop doing it alone. Donald Keough, former CEO of the Coca-Cola Company once said, “what separates those who achieve from those that do not is in direct proportion to their ability to ask for help.”  If you could identify with any of the above behaviors that you could STOP to suck less, this bad behavior of “doing it alone” will cause you to suck more in so many ways.  

When you ask for help, you give up most of the seven bad behaviors.  You get immediate feedback on the real “size” of the problem; you give up your own opinion about the limitations of others; you stop complaining and get into action; you solicit the opinion of others; you give up the right to ignore feedback; and you give up pretending you know everything; And best of all, you give up the stress of “doing it alone” and you already know how much that sucks. 

Take on one habit that doesn’t suck and you remove seven bad habits that do.

Dominic Carubba is a Certified Performance Consultant and a champion of the power of the human spirit.  He works with owners, managers and executives to make them more human by teaching them to coach and communicate more effectively so that they are less stressed and their people are more productive.  He operates the Center for Performance Solutions where he has coined the phrase “Performance Problems Require Leadership Solutions!” 

You can reach Dominic by email: Dominic@PerformanceSolutionsCenter.com.
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